Today was alright, I guess. A couple relatives came to visit with my Mom and helped, brought food, etc. That is always appreciated. So emotionally, it was good to see family and get hugs (and a pillowcase!) and chat and thank them for helping out. Other than that though, I have not been feeling great today. Of course, my analytical brain always wants a reason for when I feel different so I search for something that may have triggered me feeling a little worse, like overdoing something, pushing myself too far, stuff like that. I have begun to wonder if analyzing and looking for a reason is healthy, or if, like the nature of endometriosis, I am looking for causes where the causes are all unknown.
I mentioned in a previous post a negative interaction with a relative. I didn't think that was affecting me, but I think it may have caused some subconscious stress which translates to stress on my body. My Valium suppositories also have not been working as well for a couple of weeks. It had been that I was waking up with no pain, taking half a pain pill and was doing okay until the evening. That hasn't been the case recently. I'm feeling a bit worse when I wake up in the morning, which in my mind means one of two things: either I'm developing a tolerance and they are just not holding that well anymore, or something about the ones I am taking this month, which are from a different pharmacy than before, are not as effective. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday so I figure I will ask her if there is anything that could be making the two medications different because I know she sent them both the same prescription. I would prefer to stay with the new pharmacy because they are cheaper and deliver much faster, but if it's going to affect my health, I don't think the change is worth it. (And no, of course my insurance will not cover compounded medications because those are never medically necessary. I ask you, if these things are never medically necessary, why then are doctors prescribing them? Yes, that's a rhetorical question and just another annoyance with insurance). I also have a needle-like pain in my left-lower quadrant of my pelvis that seems to be getting worse, not better. My neck and shoulders have been very stiff since yesterday. That's usually an indicator of stress or that I'm fighting off a virus or something. For now I still do yoga, but I've stopped doing any targeted abdominal exercises. I'm writing this right before I'm going to bed and I am definitely more tired than usual, but that is pretty normal because it's getting late and a good sign that I might get to sleep pretty quickly.
(I have no idea how Hope grows from illness, but I'm loving the thought!)
So that is how my body is feeling today, and pretty much yesterday. I pay so much more attention to all aspects of my body now that I might be called hyper-vigilant, but, in my opinion, it's just how I take care of myself and try to stay on top of things, not fall behind them. I think it is another way that those with a chronic illness or chronic pain have to cope. Certain feelings in my body point in certain directions. If I pay attention, I can follow that direction and keep myself feeling as good as I can. I don't even know that I'm able to pay no attention to my body anymore. Small things mean so much more and ignoring them can cause more harm, so I monitor myself mentally and physically daily. I could be concerned about that pinpoint pain, but I am not sure that I see any point in that. It simply is there for today and if someone tells me to be concerned, I'll do so at that time. Until then, I think I will try for a good night's sleep and see how I feel tomorrow, at which time I will re-check my body and mind once again throughout the day, beginning with the moment I'm fully awake. Oh, I just so love having endometriosis. (No, I don't, but I will say I have learned so much more than I would have ever wanted to about disease and coping techniques).
Oh, and a shout out to my family who are performing in a FEET FIRST concert tonight... I wish I could be there but sitting for a prolonged period of time feels like a very bad idea today. You are all in my thoughts and I am wishing you luck, or hoping you break a leg, whichever you prefer!
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