Doctor's Visit - December 2014 (or Endometriosis: Episode 4, A New Hope)

(Love this sentiment, but have been wondering if this is true lately)

I will end up talking about this with many people in my life, but this also feels totally appropriate for my blog.  I had a visit with my Ob/Gyn doctor (Dr. K) yesterday and made a decision that could lead to some difficult but ultimately positive changes.  Most importantly, I decided I'm ready to try Lupron, the drug that I had resisted trying for so long because of the side effects.  I've written about it before on this blog (so you could search for those posts) but in simple terms: it causes your body to go into menopause.

Overwhelmed

People have asked me recently how I'm holding up (my mom recently had cancer surgery if you didn't know) and I keep coming back to one word: OVERWHELMED.  I am overwhelmed by everything.  I feel like if I were a cup, full with all the crap going on dealing with endometriosis and the death of a family member and other various crappy things, I would be brimming over.  I literally feel so miserable at times that I don't want to be around people because I might infect them.  (Didn't Meredith say something similar on Grey's Anatomy?  Hmm...)

In a little while I'm going to the doctor for my appointment.  Normally I don't feel much of anything about this since I'm pretty used to it and all but today for some reason I am feeling overly anxious.  Maybe it's not the doctor at all and just me, I don't know.

Lily

(Lily)

Pets.  Throughout my life, I never really had a strong appreciation for pets.  I had a guinea pig when I was young and I would pet a cat  or dog if I was at someone's house but they never invoked a strong emotional response in me.  And, to be honest, dogs often slobber and I never found that endearing. After college I ended up with a cat by pure happenstance.  A friend of mine was trying to give away a kitten and brought him over to my apartment one time, which honestly is cheating because all kittens, puppies, babies are adorable so of course I ended up with my first real pet... a cat who unfortunately, died suddenly at the age of two.  In a very strange confluence of events, I then ended up with a new kitten, already named Lily.  Lily is the cat I've had since before I was sick and she is the one who has opened me up to a whole new bond with animals since I've been sick.  

My Story (Part 1) - Beginning

I think I need to chronicle my "journey" for a few reasons.  One, for myself to maybe get some perspective.  Two, for people in my life who know the basics but never got enough details.  Three, because I know it will lead to a lot of random topics as I go, which are always fun!  So I will post my story in parts... this is the first one :)

In November, 2009, I experienced a very sharp pain in the middle of the right side of my back that wasn't responding to any over the counter pain meds.  I also had a constant urge to urinate.  So I went to the doctor when I got back from the final game of our volleyball season and was diagnosed with a kidney infection.  My doctor gave me Vicodin for the pain and Cipro (a strong antibiotic) for the infection.  Well, I found out quickly that the Vicodin helped relieve that pain and I was allergic to Cipro.  I got bumps on my arm that seemed to be a rash so I had to start the antibiotic cycle again...  (You have to take them for a full 10-14 days and if you miss a dose, or I guess if you switch medications, you get to start over).  So I was out of work with a doctor's note until the infection when away.  At this time I was seeing a primary care physician who I had been going to for a few years but I had never really had any cause to see her about anything serious.  I also was covered insurance-wise through my work with insurance that had always covered anything I needed, but I would soon learn the Beauty that is Personal Choice.  Seriously, I know most companies don't pay for it and I had never had reason to feel I should pay for it, but that would be great insurance to have in my situation.

Setbacks

I try to stay positive and think about my goals and about what I can control but sometimes when I think about the setbacks I've had that I have had no control over, it can be overwhelming.  I feel like a big cloud of bad luck has been just hovering over me for a few years.  I never thought about luck before getting sick.  I used to think that a setback would only serve to make me a stronger person in the long run... but when you pile a bunch of them on without giving a bit of relief or showing me SOMETHING good that has come from them, it gets to just be too much.  So please don't respond with cute little quotes like "A setback is just a set-up for a comeback."  Or "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger."  Just... no. 

Since my first surgery, aside from all the daily endometriosis stuff and procedures or things associated with that... my grandmother had a stroke... my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer... I had a kidney stone that led to a bladder infection and UTI... a family friend committed suicide... I got a random infection in my toe... my aunt passed away... and today we found out that my mother has cancer.  (And no, the irony of my previous post actually talking about cancer does not escape me). 

My Cancer Hypothesis

(Disclaimer: The following is not meant to make light of anyone's hardships or trivialize cancer in any way.  My only desire is to try to explain endometriosis using a well-known disease).

CANCER.  
That is a word that strikes fear in most people, no matter who they are.

ENDOMETRIOSIS.
This is a word that strikes fear in pretty much no one.

Both involve the growing of cells outside the region of the body in which they should be growing.  Both cause pain.  Both can cause a significant decrease in quality of life.  Both can grow anywhere in the body.  Both can cause problems in the body outside of the area where they originated.  Both have a wide range of severity and prognoses.  Both have no known cure.

I have spent years trying desperately to get the people in my life to understand what I am going through.  I've made inroads, but it is a slow process.  For some reason, the fact that endometriosis stems from the uterus seems to trivialize it to some people and make others uncomfortable.  But if I were to tell someone I had cancer, I believe that I would immediately receive sympathy, understanding and offers of help.  If I had cancer, people would have a reference from which to talk about my disease.  They would ask about treatment and oncologists and pain management or even possibly surgery.