Hope

I know that I have not posted much (or at all) lately.  Sometimes when things are bad physically and emotionally, I just can't bring myself to do anything other than get through one day at a time.  My mother had a bad reaction to her chemo drugs and it was scary for a while.  I was the one with her primarily and trying to keep my emotions in check, keep my pain in check, and do what I could for her was everything I was able to do.  So the blog was not something I was thinking about.  I felt bad emotionally throughout chemo and wanting to be able to do everything I used to do so that I could help my mom through.  I can say I wasn't able to do what I used to do but I did do the very most I was capable of doing.  Emotionally, I think that seeing anyone you love go through that treatment is jut going to be extremely difficult.  I also thought about how hard it must have been for my mom when I was in SOO much pain before surgery and there was nothing she could do to help.  I get that it must have been frustrating and saddening.  I feel pain now but it's a different level.  I am taking fewer medications for pain, so no matter how bad I think I feel on a given day, it is not as bad as it was pre-surgery or else I would still be needing the three other prescriptions to deal with pain.  Mom has started her radiation now though and the difference in her is remarkable!  She is not even recognizable as the same person who had to be hospitalized a month or so ago.  And already her hair is beginning to grow back.  Yay!!

The Adventures of Living With Endometriosis and the Absolutely Pointless Visit to the ER

Gee... I have no idea why people with endometriosis get so frustrated...

I visited the ER on Tuesday when I woke up in the night with very intense pain that either was stemming from, or radiating toward, my lower back so that my back was very painful.  I had already taken the maximum of my pain meds and all of the other night-time medications and it was very intense and apparently not helped by the medications.  When I awoke, I felt a bit better, but in the afternoon/evening I felt the back pain returning, this time higher up in my back and on the right side (in the early morning I would have said pain in the middle of lower back and some  a little higher to the left).  I was also having trouble urinating... Straining just for a trickle when it felt like my bladder was full.  It was not as awful as when I had a kidney stone but the symptoms were new and not getting better so I figured I should get it looked at.  My visit was pointless.  I want to say it was beyond pointless, but I know that literally that doesn't make much sense.  But it was how I felt when I was done.  

5/18/14

Today was alright, I guess.  A couple relatives came to visit with my Mom and helped, brought food, etc.  That is always appreciated.  So emotionally, it was good to see family and get hugs (and a pillowcase!) and chat and thank them for helping out.  Other than that though, I have not been feeling great today.  Of course, my analytical brain always wants a reason for when I feel different so I search for something that may have triggered me feeling a little worse, like overdoing something, pushing myself too far, stuff like that.  I have begun to wonder if analyzing and looking for a reason is healthy, or if, like the nature of endometriosis, I am looking for causes where the causes are all unknown.  

The Pain Equation (or The Mathematics of a Chronic Illness)

I have endometriosis.  Endometriosis is a chronic illness.  A chronic illness adds and subtracts different things to life.  In order to deal with this chronic illness, I realize I have come to look at much of my life as a mathematical equation.  I take a situation (a), subtract the toll it will take on my body (b), and if the answer is a positive number (c), I will attend or interact with that situation.  If the answer is a negative number (d), I'm staying home.  So, (a-b)>0 = c and (a-b)<0 = d.  I just boiled my disease down to some math!  Pay attention, all you students who are preparing for the SATs!

Pain Care Bill of Rights

 The Pain Care Bill of Rights

I found this while I was wandering the hospital on Tuesday, and I thought it reinforced some really great information and it comes from a major hospital, so it made me hopeful that people with chronic pain are getting the care they deserve.  Since pain is one of the biggest symptoms of endometriosis, I found this particularly important to share in this forum.  I did not write it, but it is distributed publicly and I found it supportive...  So click "read more" to see it :)  (Or, if this is emailed to you, just keep reading!)