A Family Affair

I suppose I could title this Overwhelmed (pt 2).  It has been hard for me to find words this week to share.  Mom is beginning to recover a bit from her last chemo treatment (in my opinion and with fingers crossed).  It is stressful for me.  I think I've been over the reasons enough.  Add on top of that miscommunications and craziness with relatives and the picture ends up looking a little crazy or mean or whatever.  But I'm choosing to look in a different direction.

I feel like I have observed all possible types of communications within a family this week, although I know that is not true.  I have felt even more overwhelmed by what I can only describe as negativity or negative energy.  I also realized that I feel so much less affected by negative energy now.  I simply know I have friends and family who understand and support me or at least are giving it their best shot.  That makes a big difference.  I don't like negativity around my mom while she's dealing with chemo, but I realize I have to take care of myself and make sure I maintain my own schedule and habits that keep me feeling "okay."  

The Real Me

There is something I've been wanting to address for a while now but I guess it was never the right time.  For me, the time is now.  The images and words between/above/below the text feel very personal to me in this post.  I have realized that there is a glaring and important difference in people's perception of me as opposed to my actual experience while I was being diagnosed and up until my surgery and for a few months after.  The perception is I "dropped off the face of the earth," that I "wouldn't respond in a timely manner," that I didn't call back quickly or that I wasn't responding the way that others may have felt I should have responded.  I have a huge problem with all of those statements and I have a problem that nobody noticed...

Invisible Emotions

In the past 72 hours, I feel like I have fought a war, won a battle and maybe seen a glimpse of some rays of light.  I have felt: empowered, betrayed, craziness, misunderstood, frustrated, hurt, reassured, saddened, angry, attacked, truthful, determined, supported, relief, drained, loved, tired, annoyed, amazed, understood, reinforced, and loved.  

That's a lot of emotions for any person to go through in a short period of time.  The fact that most of my emotions stemmed from family interactions made it all the more intense for me.  In life, family can probably cause more stress than a lot of things.  With endometriosis, these stresses can become stressors that can cause setbacks if they are allowed in.  I have spent, what seems to me, so much energy trying to simply explain to people what is real for me and how I feel and what is going on inside my body.  It all seems so easy for me because I know exactly how I feel all the time.  I would imagine a lot of people with an invisible illness know how I'm feeling.