9/6/2014

* I was reluctant to write a new post until I got FIVE good comments on my previous post HERE... but I had a thought as I was up all night and felt like sharing because I don't know if I cover my everyday life very well.  So while I would still very much like to get some comments (random, creative, far-fetched, whatever!) on my previous post (PLEEAASSSE) here's an expanded post of what I jotted in my pain/endometriosis journal last night:

Sometimes I feel like I spend all day just trying to minimize the pain that may surface at night.  That's an annoying way to spend the day!  I talked with my doctor about it and she confirmed that most people who suffer pain do feel worse at night.  She also talked some about normal cortisol levels and how they are different for pain patients, which made total sense while I was there talking to her, but now I can't remember exactly what the difference is.  (I'll have to Google to refresh myself).  At least I learned that there is a physiological reason for pain being worse at night and the irritating part is that pain at night throws off an entire day, if not more.  I either sleep in too late and then I'm not tired the next night, or I try to wake myself up at a regular time and then I'm just the Walking Tired for the rest of the day.  Also, for me at least, the less sleep I have, the more pain I feel.  It's almost always that inverse relationship.  So it's likely that while I'm up and unable to sleep, because pain that I can deal with during the day can definitely stop me from getting comfortable enough to fall asleep, I also have these thoughts and knowledge in the back of my head and that can't help my subconscious with the sleeping part either.  I do experience nighttime flare-ups of pain.  I can deal if it's a night when I went to the gym and expect it but on random days when I have done nothing of consequence I do get an occasional bout of extreme pain and that is extremely frustrating.  That happened to me this past week and it sucked but I felt improvement the next day and better the day after that, so that's a pretty quick turnaround.  It used to be a flare in my pain level would last a week, so if we are grading on a curve, my grade is improving.

6/1/14

Quick and late update:  Nothing exciting today.  I felt generally okay.  Just overly tired again so I am going to focus on my sleeping habits this week.  I tried to stay up a bit last night because I wasn't sure if my mom's fever would get any higher and then I would have had to take her to the ER because apparently fever + chemo patient = Bad.  I didn't hear from her so I finally fell asleep but one night can change everything for me in terms of how I'm feeling.  I have to be careful to not get too run down.  I was going to go to the gym today but I was exhausted.  Also, I think I was feeling allergies for the first time this year.  My eyes are dry and I'm a little congested even though I took Claritin.  So for this week... think sleepy thoughts for me.  I'd like to have five nights in a row of normal sleeping patterns because I know how much better I feel always when I can do that.

5/18/14

Today was alright, I guess.  A couple relatives came to visit with my Mom and helped, brought food, etc.  That is always appreciated.  So emotionally, it was good to see family and get hugs (and a pillowcase!) and chat and thank them for helping out.  Other than that though, I have not been feeling great today.  Of course, my analytical brain always wants a reason for when I feel different so I search for something that may have triggered me feeling a little worse, like overdoing something, pushing myself too far, stuff like that.  I have begun to wonder if analyzing and looking for a reason is healthy, or if, like the nature of endometriosis, I am looking for causes where the causes are all unknown.  

Post-Chemo

(the hospital where I spent my day)

(Remember, looking at everything through endometriosis-colored glasses)

I survived my mom's second chemo treatment.  I feel significantly more tired, physically and emotionally drained tonight.  The tired part I would guess has to do with not being able to sleep the night before the chemo (happened to me last time too) and I know I am physically drained just because it was sitting in not the most comfortable chairs for over six hours.  Sitting for long periods of time still doesn't make my body feel good and by the end of the day my back was just in spasms.  No part is looking forward to having to go back to the hospital again, wait around again, so my mom can get a shot to help with her white blood cell production.  That sounds selfish, I'm aware.  I want to help, I want Mom to do everything she can do to be well, but I am just tired and I want to sleep until Friday and avoid hospitals until the next treatment.  I'm also nervous that I will not feel good tomorrow and will have to worry about pain meds and driving Mom, who shouldn't take herself, and then possibly a long wait for the shot, simply because waiting seems to be the norm in hospitals.  Or at least this one.  So I'm hoping I can sleep tonight and tomorrow goes smoothly.  Even driving not far again tomorrow seems impossible in my head right now but I could also wake up and be more rested and not feel too bad.  So I will see what happens and fingers are crossed.