5/29/14

Not having a great day, so I'm disinclined to write anything, but I realize the bad days are important to document.  I am having worse pelvic pain today but again, I didn't use a valium suppository last night.  I see the correlation, it happened last time I tried to go without for a night during a stressful period.  This time it was not by choice though.  I ordered my prescription but didn't even think for a second about Memorial Day weekend, so that was two days that mail wasn't moving.  So I don't have the valium suppositories but they should arrive any day now.  It takes about a week and I ordered them last week so hopefully they will be here in the next day or so.  It's a bit disheartening, which I think I said last time, that I feel so much worse by not taking one medication.  The pain is so drastically different when I don't use the valium.  And I don't mind that at all, but I would be more comfortable if it took more than just one night to feel so different.  I woke up ready to jump in the shower and then the pain hit and I took my regular pain meds but an hour later I'm not feeling much of a difference so I may need to take more and hope I don't get overly drowsy.  Then maybe I can at least shower.  For right now, I'm just watching tv I don't care about and looking at a bunch of different things online to distract myself.  I don't like bad days but they do remind me of how far I have come that now they are pretty infrequent.  I have discomfort still usually but not like this so I'm trying to just not think about it too much; just do what I have to do to make it through to when the valium is delivered and I'm back on schedule.

Doctor's Visit (May 2014)

I went in for my doctor's appointment today.  Didn't learn anything earth-shattering or life-altering.  Dr. K said that if I am not feeling worse, with everything that is going on, then I am doing well.  She knows I feel discomfort and some bloating.  She reminded me I need to see about an ultrasound or aspiration/biopsy for a node in my right breast.  That showed up on a CT and I'm glad she reminded me because that whole thing must have somehow disappeared from my mind.  I normally follow-up with what I need to but I hadn't even thought about this.  (I could just make an appointment for the same time as my mom and we could hang at the hospital together!)  No change in meds for now, although I am going to go back to the first pharmacy for a month for my Valium suppositories to see if the difference has just been in what I'm doing or in the way the valium was made.  Suppositories are not pills that come out of a bottle, so each pharmacy mixes them up by request, (or basically by prescription) so there may be more of a variance than in just basic pills.  Each order goes to a compounding pharmacy, so I'm going to try the one I did better on for a month now in order to determine if the difference is just me/stress/overdoing it or if it is in the pill.  I will continue to try to do as much as I can without overdoing it.  My back has been killing me since I got home.  

Post-Chemo

(the hospital where I spent my day)

(Remember, looking at everything through endometriosis-colored glasses)

I survived my mom's second chemo treatment.  I feel significantly more tired, physically and emotionally drained tonight.  The tired part I would guess has to do with not being able to sleep the night before the chemo (happened to me last time too) and I know I am physically drained just because it was sitting in not the most comfortable chairs for over six hours.  Sitting for long periods of time still doesn't make my body feel good and by the end of the day my back was just in spasms.  No part is looking forward to having to go back to the hospital again, wait around again, so my mom can get a shot to help with her white blood cell production.  That sounds selfish, I'm aware.  I want to help, I want Mom to do everything she can do to be well, but I am just tired and I want to sleep until Friday and avoid hospitals until the next treatment.  I'm also nervous that I will not feel good tomorrow and will have to worry about pain meds and driving Mom, who shouldn't take herself, and then possibly a long wait for the shot, simply because waiting seems to be the norm in hospitals.  Or at least this one.  So I'm hoping I can sleep tonight and tomorrow goes smoothly.  Even driving not far again tomorrow seems impossible in my head right now but I could also wake up and be more rested and not feel too bad.  So I will see what happens and fingers are crossed.

Chemo Day #2

Today is my mom's second chemotherapy treatment.  I will be going with her and it will probably be a long day, although I found that yesterday was more stressful for me.  (Remember, on this blog we are looking at everything through endometriosis-colored glasses).  I do not expect to feel great and I certainly don't enjoy my mother having cancer.  But we're on to the second treatment and I will see how my body reacts to what will be a long day tomorrow.  I have been told that she should not have a worse time with the second treatment than the first, but who knows what will actually happen.  In the meantime, this all tires me out completely and I know she will need help at least for the 3-4 days following the procedure and that is going to be hard on my body but I got my shot, a haircut, and hopefully food in the house because I imagine it's going to be a tiring week.  I may continue to write daily, I may be a bit overwhelmed and write occasionally or I may write next week when the worst is over.  We'll see what happens.  Positive thoughts and best wishes and lots of love can never ever hurt!  (Along with perhaps an IV of coffee...)

Thoughts (Breast Cancer and Endometriosis)

I didn't really know what to title this post.  It feels intensely personal.  It's just some thoughts and observations I've been having as I deal with endometriosis and as I also watch my mother deal (bravely) with breast cancer.  It is wonderful how much support and how much of a sense of community they try to give to these women when they are newly diagnosed, as well as throughout the process.  I've been impressed and surprised along the way with how much generosity there is for women with breast cancer.  She has access to a nutritionist, to breast cancer gatherings, even to a garden, I believe.  My mom received a hand-made blanket to have for her chemo treatment.  These blankets are made by hand and donated to the hospitals for chemo patients.  She received a free wig, which I have seen online at a cost of hundreds of dollars.  Since losing your hair is one of the biggest fears for someone going through chemotherapy, I know a wig doesn't alleviate that fear but having someone available and not having to worry about cost are two less things to worry about and that's huge.  There are even small handmade items throughout the process.  Knitted caps, handmade bookmarks and bracelets. 

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter to everyone who celebrates it!  I do not celebrate religiously but I have always had family gatherings.  When we were little we would do egg hunts.  Even at home, the Easter Bunny would leave us Easter baskets and eggs and if my sister or I had trouble finding them, my parents would somehow have directions from the Easter Bunny and be able to help guide us so no eggs were missed.  

No family gathering this year though.  My mom began feeling the side-effects of her chemo three days after the treatment and since her family lives about an hour away, we'll be missing it this year.  I have to say, of all the holidays to miss, I guess Easter isn't so bad, but it is always nice to see family, so to everyone else who will be gathering, I wish you a wonderful holiday.  For those of you not celebrating Easter, I just hope you have a wonderful day!  And for those of you with endometriosis, I wish you a day of health, love and support!

Chemo Day 1

So Mom started her Chemo treatments today. I haven't posted in a long time as I've just been digesting everything going on with her. The hospital isn't really helping plan or keep my schedule under control...  They won't give a time until the night before, they told us we'd be there three hours (so I budgeted my pain meds accordingly, not bringing extra doses), but 3 hours really meant 7 hours! :(  Not so great for my body or pain management but I decided to tough it out and stay anyway. It was Mom's first treatment, an unknown, embarking on a scary time for her and she needed someone to be there. Nobody was around to relieve me, so I stayed. I wanted to stay to be with my mom, I just had wanted to schedule better or have someone else with us.  It's definitely a long day for me. I got 1 hour of sleep last night, so combine that with my body in general and missing the time I'd normally take my second dose of meds and it's a bit problematic. For instance, if she needs a prescription tonight, I have no idea how I'm getting it...  If I take additional meds, I don't drive... If I keep putting off taking meds and push through, the pain gets worse which also makes it hard to function, as well as making the pain harder to get under control later.