February 17... It Begins!

Today was my doctor's appointment, after which I said I would update people on my status... so here we go.  I start my Lupron injections on February 17!  I don't know a whole lot after that, but after the past year, the side effects don't seem very bad to me and for what would help my body, the effects may actually end up being positive.  

(no idea if that is what my actual label will look like)

For 2-3 weeks after the initial shot there may be a flare-up of pain.  My doctor explained exactly why to me in scientific terms and it made total sense, but I can't remember exactly what she said.  It had something to do with stimulating a certain hormone when it starts and then eventually it actually prevents that hormone from firing (?).  I always like when she explains things and yet for some of the more advanced biology answers I do not always remember everything.  For what concerns me, there could be an initial flare-up in pain.

Also, Lupron is not a quick fix, although we both are hopeful that it will be a fix.  For one, I learned that the hormones in my system from the Depo shots that I have been getting can last up to a year in the body, especially since I have been getting the shots more often than the "standard" dosage.  The good news is that since I have been getting them regularly, my estrogen levels are lower than a normal person so the shift to even lower levels will not be as drastic.  (I believe she said also that right now I have high progesterone levels, but those will decrease with the Lupron).  

(Estrogen and Progesterone levels in a normal, ovulating female - Not me, but just for reference)

Three weeks after I get my first injection, I see the doctor again and she will decide if I need any hormone replacement therapy to supplement the Lupron and get a grasp of my symptoms/side effects, etc.  The actual Lupron injections are every three (3) months.  The side-effects are most closely related to Menopause, but some people have a problem sleeping at all, which I had not known.  Hot flashes are common, and other than that, we will just see what happens.  I will not be adjusting other medications for a while after the Lupron starts and while the initial flare-up pain won't last, overall pain may not decrease for three months.  Even at that time, if I'm feeling better, I will likely still continue to feel better for while and then eventually things will even out and we can assess how I am.  

(Basically, this could be me... without the pained expression... There are totally worse things!)

I still feel really good about doing this.  It's a little frustrating that because my body is being flooded with hormones and they don't just change overnight (think of pregnancy hormones and how they decrease gradually after giving birth), it will take some time to see how I will finally feel.  Now that I've said that though, I'm not going to worry or think about it because that's the thing I cannot change.  I'm making a big change and I feel calm and even a little excited to try this and hopeful that it will work.  And while it won't be overnight, I'll still feel better slowly, which sounds great AND I will not be dealing with all the side effects of the Depo shot anymore! (Hallelujah!!)  That part I am super excited about!  Also, I should be able to exercise more regularly and be able to do more and more activities as the time passes... which is my ultimate goal: to be able to do everything I used to be able to do.  I don't know if that's going to be the final outcome, but until proven otherwise, it continues to be my goal.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is all I know right now!  I look ahead at 2015 with much more excitement than past years and I'm still hopeful that this will be a really good thing for me!

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day (U.S.)

As Google reminds everyone, today (January 19, 2015) is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.  I am not even going to try to write a way that Martin Luther King, Jr. relates to endometriosis, but today is the day our nation sets aside to honor the Civil Rights Leader and I usually find myself wondering what would be different if he had not been killed.  His words, along with his spirit, were powerful. 

So, for those who may not have done so recently, take a moment and read the full text of his most Famous speech.  If you have not heard it given by him, I would suggest clicking the link and listening to his own words in his own voice because I'm sure it a voice more powerful than most of the population's.  It should go without saying (though I will now say it) that I did not write or contribute to the following in any way.

Doctor's Visit - December 2014 (or Endometriosis: Episode 4, A New Hope)

(Love this sentiment, but have been wondering if this is true lately)

I will end up talking about this with many people in my life, but this also feels totally appropriate for my blog.  I had a visit with my Ob/Gyn doctor (Dr. K) yesterday and made a decision that could lead to some difficult but ultimately positive changes.  Most importantly, I decided I'm ready to try Lupron, the drug that I had resisted trying for so long because of the side effects.  I've written about it before on this blog (so you could search for those posts) but in simple terms: it causes your body to go into menopause.

Where I've Been

I know some people are wondering why I haven't been writing more since my mother has been feeling better and things are starting to calm down.  It is simple.  In order to get me feeling better (I was feeling BAD by June/July), my doctor added a prescription that I had taken prior to my surgery.  It has helped my body "calm down" but I have always hated taken it because I feel constantly drowsy and I also feel like it slows down my cognition when taken during the day time.  It has only been very recently that I haven't felt like I need to continue taking it during the day.  Hopefully I can now begin to wean off of this medication and slowly get my energy back.  BUT... (and this is a big but!) I am feeling pretty grateful to be able to worry about my energy level again finally and not feeling the amount of pain I had been constantly feeling.  Honestly, I just have been feeling bad since January and trying to "get by" rather than improve and live and smile.  At one point I realized it had been a long time since I last smiled and that's pretty depressing.  It is a little thing, but I am SO looking forward to going to the gym with much more consistency this month (my one goal for the next month) because I feel great when that is something I can do!  There have been a lot of negative things going on and now the absence of negative things feels pretty positive!  I will take what I can get.  

Hope

I know that I have not posted much (or at all) lately.  Sometimes when things are bad physically and emotionally, I just can't bring myself to do anything other than get through one day at a time.  My mother had a bad reaction to her chemo drugs and it was scary for a while.  I was the one with her primarily and trying to keep my emotions in check, keep my pain in check, and do what I could for her was everything I was able to do.  So the blog was not something I was thinking about.  I felt bad emotionally throughout chemo and wanting to be able to do everything I used to do so that I could help my mom through.  I can say I wasn't able to do what I used to do but I did do the very most I was capable of doing.  Emotionally, I think that seeing anyone you love go through that treatment is jut going to be extremely difficult.  I also thought about how hard it must have been for my mom when I was in SOO much pain before surgery and there was nothing she could do to help.  I get that it must have been frustrating and saddening.  I feel pain now but it's a different level.  I am taking fewer medications for pain, so no matter how bad I think I feel on a given day, it is not as bad as it was pre-surgery or else I would still be needing the three other prescriptions to deal with pain.  Mom has started her radiation now though and the difference in her is remarkable!  She is not even recognizable as the same person who had to be hospitalized a month or so ago.  And already her hair is beginning to grow back.  Yay!!

5/29/14

Not having a great day, so I'm disinclined to write anything, but I realize the bad days are important to document.  I am having worse pelvic pain today but again, I didn't use a valium suppository last night.  I see the correlation, it happened last time I tried to go without for a night during a stressful period.  This time it was not by choice though.  I ordered my prescription but didn't even think for a second about Memorial Day weekend, so that was two days that mail wasn't moving.  So I don't have the valium suppositories but they should arrive any day now.  It takes about a week and I ordered them last week so hopefully they will be here in the next day or so.  It's a bit disheartening, which I think I said last time, that I feel so much worse by not taking one medication.  The pain is so drastically different when I don't use the valium.  And I don't mind that at all, but I would be more comfortable if it took more than just one night to feel so different.  I woke up ready to jump in the shower and then the pain hit and I took my regular pain meds but an hour later I'm not feeling much of a difference so I may need to take more and hope I don't get overly drowsy.  Then maybe I can at least shower.  For right now, I'm just watching tv I don't care about and looking at a bunch of different things online to distract myself.  I don't like bad days but they do remind me of how far I have come that now they are pretty infrequent.  I have discomfort still usually but not like this so I'm trying to just not think about it too much; just do what I have to do to make it through to when the valium is delivered and I'm back on schedule.

Chemo Day #2

Today is my mom's second chemotherapy treatment.  I will be going with her and it will probably be a long day, although I found that yesterday was more stressful for me.  (Remember, on this blog we are looking at everything through endometriosis-colored glasses).  I do not expect to feel great and I certainly don't enjoy my mother having cancer.  But we're on to the second treatment and I will see how my body reacts to what will be a long day tomorrow.  I have been told that she should not have a worse time with the second treatment than the first, but who knows what will actually happen.  In the meantime, this all tires me out completely and I know she will need help at least for the 3-4 days following the procedure and that is going to be hard on my body but I got my shot, a haircut, and hopefully food in the house because I imagine it's going to be a tiring week.  I may continue to write daily, I may be a bit overwhelmed and write occasionally or I may write next week when the worst is over.  We'll see what happens.  Positive thoughts and best wishes and lots of love can never ever hurt!  (Along with perhaps an IV of coffee...)

Feeling Better, BUT...

My last post was telling you that I've made steps in a positive direction (yay!) which is HUGE over the past few months.  That post was all good news.  I don't have bad news to go with it, but I'm afraid too many people are going to read and think that everything is fine now.  In case I haven't said it already a thousand times, endometriosis is not curable.  I am going to have it.  Tomorrow, next year, at least until menopause... I'm going to have it.  With that comes decisions about hormones... which I am also going to be on until menopause to keep the endometriosis at bay.  And those hormones are not really supposed to be long term solutions.  They come with a long list of side effects!  Plus the supplements to help my body fight off the endometriosis that I guess my body wants to produce.

Feeling Better/ 1,000 Views!

As I've said before, this blog is very personal to me.  While I might not be sharing every innermost thought, I am still writing about a topic that has caused me a lot of pain and frustration... physically and emotionally.  So today I wanted to thank you for reading this blog.  I just noticed that I had over 1,000 views and I think that's awesome!  It was a great feeling just to see that!  So today's post is going to focus on the GOOD.