Ahh... bedtime. It seems to come around oh so often. I think I would enjoy longer days and less sleeping... But we all know that we have to sleep. Well sleep is something that has been consistently hard since I began having endometriosis symptoms.
At the beginning, I don't know if I would have been sleeping or not, but the pain was so bad, I basically didn't sleep normally for months. The thing with sleep is that we try to relax and turn off our brains and let the sheep counting take us away... Well when you have acute pain, chronic pain, post surgery pain... it is not easy to relax. I could make it throughout the day simply by keeping myself distracted by doing about 3 mindless things at once. But if I stopped doing those things, it didn't matter how tired I was, all I could think about was the pain. I was uncomfortable every second before I found a doctor who could manage pain while also dealing with the endometriosis. I have never slept with the tv on, radio on, or even been able to fall asleep to music, but I started leaving Netflix playing on my computer while I was in bed trying to sleep and I am only now getting myself able to sleep without the computer playing some television show.
I mentioned in my previous post that I use tv to get me through the day... Specifically I find that a smart fantasy show is the best thing (although I've pretty much run through most of my first choice television shows). Something that takes my focus off of myself, and often, something that doesn't lead to me thinking all about the real world I'm missing. Reality tv seems to be the worst... It always seems to be privileged or idiotic people on television which just pisses me off that they don't even know how good they have it, so I skip any and all reality television. But with my computer, I have everything I need... HD, I can find pretty much anything I want to watch whenever I want to watch it, and it's portable for however I am comfortable.
*Disclaimer: I am positive I will forget some important shows when I list some examples. Just assume I've seen them all but also feel free to suggest, just in case.
So as I've said many times before, pain sucks. A lot. I've been asked what I do all day or "don't you get bored?" or other questions. I used to feel insulted by those questions... like the person asking me was saying my life was pointless or that I should be doing more during the day.
I could tell you what I'd LIKE to do during the day but for days when I'm feeling moderate/severe pain, it takes mental effort just to get through the day. Those days are not fun and I'd say sometimes I think they are pretty pointless. I would like to do SOOO many other things... I think I could make a list of about 500. When I have a bad day, my pain is bad enough that I can't even pinpoint where it's stemming from (which was one problem I had when everything started). I get through my days by NOT thinking about all the other things I could be doing. I consciously do not think about how much life sucks or "why me?" or whatever. None of those things help me.
