I went in for my doctor's appointment today. Didn't learn anything earth-shattering or life-altering. Dr. K said that if I am not feeling worse, with everything that is going on, then I am doing well. She knows I feel discomfort and some bloating. She reminded me I need to see about an ultrasound or aspiration/biopsy for a node in my right breast. That showed up on a CT and I'm glad she reminded me because that whole thing must have somehow disappeared from my mind. I normally follow-up with what I need to but I hadn't even thought about this. (I could just make an appointment for the same time as my mom and we could hang at the hospital together!) No change in meds for now, although I am going to go back to the first pharmacy for a month for my Valium suppositories to see if the difference has just been in what I'm doing or in the way the valium was made. Suppositories are not pills that come out of a bottle, so each pharmacy mixes them up by request, (or basically by prescription) so there may be more of a variance than in just basic pills. Each order goes to a compounding pharmacy, so I'm going to try the one I did better on for a month now in order to determine if the difference is just me/stress/overdoing it or if it is in the pill. I will continue to try to do as much as I can without overdoing it. My back has been killing me since I got home.
We also talked about my breast size. When I first got endometriosis, I was a C/D cup. Today I am wearing a DDD size bra. And it's possible I should have gotten one more size up but most stores don't carry above a triple D, so that's not something that I want to prioritize looking into right now. I have a couple bras I am very happy with at the moment, but I wonder how everything will play out. Dr. K is documenting cup size, strain on muscles (basically all of my back hurts, my shoulders are sore and my neck is tight since I started wearing real bras again). She looked at the red lines on my shoulders from wearing the bra. I've looked up information on breast reduction, which I never thought I would do, but at the same time, I wasn't born with my breasts this size. They've been artificially "inflated" from hormones. The reason it's an issue now is that I am able to wear almost all of my old clothes, so I've slimmed down, but I haven't lost anything in the chest area. I am thinking like the normal me, and I am physically almost back to the normal me, but my bra size is not close to my norm. And it is constantly finding new ways to annoy me. Yoga and stretching are harder for many reasons: my center of gravity is shifting, my balance is not ideal because I'm top heavy, and there are certain poses I can't even do because my boobs get in the way. That is seriously annoying. Now I know why you don't see any large chested yoga instructors out there. I can't even imagine playing volleyball, they'd get in the way of everything.
(not me, but feels like it sometimes)
There are instances when insurance will cover the surgery, but it is still surgery, and often involves muscles of the chest. And, as always, the process is tedious. Dr. K said she knows excellent surgeons but it's still considered major surgery. So who even knows how that would affect my body? But yes, I have looked online for pricing purposes, to see what insurance covers, to see what qualifies, etc. So it's just talk for now, but I did tell her that if someone said I won a free, all-expenses paid breast reduction with a highly regarded surgeon and supervised recovery... I would absolutely take it. By the time I got home today after the doctor and running errands my back was in spasm and I felt like I was going to drop my very light bags.
On a positive note, I'm doing about as well mentally as can be expected. I'm worn out, but not depressed. Exercise always helps me with my mood. I can also see who is helping me and who is holding me back and I can pretty much let go of the things holding me back. I don't spend a lot of time obsessing over what needs to be done to help Mom; she just needs what she needs and if I have to do something, I do it. Another positive note - everyone at the doctor's office thought I looked slimmer and complimented my haircut, so that was fun :) My next appointment is in two months so I'll report back then. And by then Mom's chemo should be over, so that will be very exciting!
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