Feeling Better, BUT...

My last post was telling you that I've made steps in a positive direction (yay!) which is HUGE over the past few months.  That post was all good news.  I don't have bad news to go with it, but I'm afraid too many people are going to read and think that everything is fine now.  In case I haven't said it already a thousand times, endometriosis is not curable.  I am going to have it.  Tomorrow, next year, at least until menopause... I'm going to have it.  With that comes decisions about hormones... which I am also going to be on until menopause to keep the endometriosis at bay.  And those hormones are not really supposed to be long term solutions.  They come with a long list of side effects!  Plus the supplements to help my body fight off the endometriosis that I guess my body wants to produce.

Feeling Better/ 1,000 Views!

As I've said before, this blog is very personal to me.  While I might not be sharing every innermost thought, I am still writing about a topic that has caused me a lot of pain and frustration... physically and emotionally.  So today I wanted to thank you for reading this blog.  I just noticed that I had over 1,000 views and I think that's awesome!  It was a great feeling just to see that!  So today's post is going to focus on the GOOD.

The Spoon Theory

A CHALLENGE FOR MY READERS:
I can take absolutely no credit for the link I'm going to share.  I came across the idea on a fellow endometriosis sufferer's website and it led me to this website.  The author of the article does not have endometriosis.  She does, however, have lupus, which is another chronic disease.  Her analogy hit home for me very strongly.  

If you read this, I am asking you and challenging you to read the full text below, then to take 5 or 10 minutes and think about it.  
For those of you who know me, I'd love if you would think about it and how it applies to every one of my days.  But if not, I can't imagine you not coming away with some empathy for those who do suffer from a chronic disease.

Here is the link to a PDF version of The Spoon Theory: The Spoon Theory
If the link doesn't work, here is the website: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

And if you don't like PDFs, or for info on the author herself, here is the original website: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

Nutrition

I have read different articles about nutrition and endometriosis but never really thought a lot about them.  Recently, as I've been frustrated and wanting to do anything I can that won't cause me more harm, I've decided to adjust my own diet according to the information that I've found to be common to many of the different articles/books I've read.  Obviously, each article is a little bit different, but I've picked up on certain things and read a book recently which highlighted others, so I am slightly changing my diet and I am going to see if that does have a positive effect on my endometriosis symptoms.  Like most things, I have read women who claim it was the miracle that ended their symptoms and other women who have said they didn't notice a change.  Well, since it's not going to hurt me (I check with my doctor first, always), I'm going to try it out.

Note From the Author

Author's Note: This is a blog about my journey with my disease.  I write about things in my life that affect me on that journey.  Many people have asked me more questions about my mother... I appreciate all the concern and love, but I will not be writing about other people in this forum.  I don't use names and I am not going to presume to write about anyone else.  Obviously there are life events that impact how I am feeling, how much pain I am having, the stress level of the day, etc.  I will write about or touch upon these things as they can cause problems for people with endometriosis.  My aunt's death, my mother's cancer... these things affect many people who love them and each person will react differently.  This blog, however, focuses solely on me, my struggle with endometriosis, learning to live with that, and my journey along the way.  I am not telling you how a death may have felt to anyone else, or how I would feel about a parent having cancer if I wasn't also sick.  Endometriosis colors everything in my world right now and I am telling my story and feelings from that perspective.  

My purpose here is: to educate as much as I can to help people understand endometriosis; to give myself a place to explore my feelings and reactions solely thinking about me; to try to connect with friends, loved ones or others with this disease because I think it is so important to be able to see that you are not alone, your suffering is real, and other women out there are able to empathize and understand your experience.

Thank you for reading.

Chemo Day 1

So Mom started her Chemo treatments today. I haven't posted in a long time as I've just been digesting everything going on with her. The hospital isn't really helping plan or keep my schedule under control...  They won't give a time until the night before, they told us we'd be there three hours (so I budgeted my pain meds accordingly, not bringing extra doses), but 3 hours really meant 7 hours! :(  Not so great for my body or pain management but I decided to tough it out and stay anyway. It was Mom's first treatment, an unknown, embarking on a scary time for her and she needed someone to be there. Nobody was around to relieve me, so I stayed. I wanted to stay to be with my mom, I just had wanted to schedule better or have someone else with us.  It's definitely a long day for me. I got 1 hour of sleep last night, so combine that with my body in general and missing the time I'd normally take my second dose of meds and it's a bit problematic. For instance, if she needs a prescription tonight, I have no idea how I'm getting it...  If I take additional meds, I don't drive... If I keep putting off taking meds and push through, the pain gets worse which also makes it hard to function, as well as making the pain harder to get under control later. 

Overwhelmed

People have asked me recently how I'm holding up (my mom recently had cancer surgery if you didn't know) and I keep coming back to one word: OVERWHELMED.  I am overwhelmed by everything.  I feel like if I were a cup, full with all the crap going on dealing with endometriosis and the death of a family member and other various crappy things, I would be brimming over.  I literally feel so miserable at times that I don't want to be around people because I might infect them.  (Didn't Meredith say something similar on Grey's Anatomy?  Hmm...)

In a little while I'm going to the doctor for my appointment.  Normally I don't feel much of anything about this since I'm pretty used to it and all but today for some reason I am feeling overly anxious.  Maybe it's not the doctor at all and just me, I don't know.