I wanted to update after my last post that I am officially approved to begin the Lupron whenever my doctor tells me I'm ready and my insurance is officially paying for it, so everything is a GO! I see my doctor on Wednesday and I am sure I will find out a lot then about when I may begin using the Lupron and any other adjustments I'll need to make. My approval went through in less than two weeks which, after hearing my doctor tell me it often takes about a month AND it was during the holiday season, must mean that it went through very quickly so Yay! That is a huge deal for me! Although I've had two surgeries and surgery must be done first before you can take this drug, so I guess I met the requirements without any questions.
Good News/Bad News:
- The Good News is that almost immediately upon leaving my doctor's office, I felt calm inside. I knew this was the right thing for me at this time so the next thing on my list was staying in control and keeping my stress level down so I can be prepared for whatever may or may not happen when I begin the Lupron. I felt better than I had been feeling for about a month and then I was still feeling fine, but I had lost a lot of sleep while I was transitioning from one antidepressant to another, so that did hit me eventually. [I also learned that my cousin is expecting her first baby, so that is just amazingly great news and I am so excited for that and to meet my first little grand-cousin (I know that is incorrect but when I get to second/third/removed/etc. I mostly do not pay attention). She is my first cousin to be pregnant, so it's very cool for her and her hubby. She's also been very supportive of me and it would feel nice to be able to be supportive of her back!] I did get to visit with a great friend (who lives way too far away) and her adorable baby and family over the holidays and that totally lifts my spirits as well!
- So the good news was that I feel prepared for pretty much all outcomes and I am still hopeful. The Bad News is that my grandmother's health is deteriorating, though I hope she stays healthy long enough to meet her first great-grandchild. Along with her bad health, a member of my extended family has chosen this time to be as icky as I can imagine. I won't go into specifics, but it is frustrating because it is unnecessary and ruins my calmness. I can choose my friends, my acquaintances, my doctor... but I don't get to choose my family. Since becoming sick, I've tightened my circle of close friends and I don't go into specifics with mere acquaintances, but I do not have any energy to give to toxic relationships so I choose not to have anyone in my life who is negative. More importantly, I do not have negative thoughts about those people! Recently, however, I realize I have spent way too much time harboring negative feelings about a particular family member and I have to choose to not be around her as well because this is the most important time for me to be stress-free. Lupron is the drug that scared me for a long time but I was in a great place and feeling very good about taking it, and feeling ready! Today I realized I've been not sleeping as well and feeling stressed about the repercussions of one person's actions within my extended family and it occurred to me that I need to be selfish for this moment in my life, until I find out how my body adapts to this new drug and I don't have room for negativity at all. I'm actually writing about in the hope that I can be done thinking about it, so we shall see how that works.
I have not quite figured out how to stay completely out of this person's orbit, but I may just have to do what I've learned: Decide if an event or visit or discussion is going to make me feel worse than I feel before attending that event or seeing that person, and if so, then I just won't do it. If I think that I will come out feeling even better than when I went in, then I do it. It relates to the Spoon Theory Article, but it's my own way of counting spoons. I look at everything this way right now and somehow I need to get myself doing that again, even if it involves family. It is simply about pluses and minuses and it is how my brain works. It always yields the healthiest outcomes for me without allowing myself to dwell on being bummed about missing out on something. And I am writing this to hold myself accountable for doing this and to not allow myself any negativity from right now until I can comfortably say how the Lupron is working and will continue to work. And you are all welcome to hold me accountable to staying centered (calm in my own way) and positive!
- I will update after my doctor's appointment on Wednesday.
*If anyone reads this and has used Lupron, I would LOVE to hear what your experience was and if you email me from this page, I will get back to you!
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