Doctor's Visit - December 2014 (or Endometriosis: Episode 4, A New Hope)

(Love this sentiment, but have been wondering if this is true lately)

I will end up talking about this with many people in my life, but this also feels totally appropriate for my blog.  I had a visit with my Ob/Gyn doctor (Dr. K) yesterday and made a decision that could lead to some difficult but ultimately positive changes.  Most importantly, I decided I'm ready to try Lupron, the drug that I had resisted trying for so long because of the side effects.  I've written about it before on this blog (so you could search for those posts) but in simple terms: it causes your body to go into menopause.

  Menopause is not something I have any positive feelings about, although I did used to think that not having this crazy amount of pain every month might not be a terrible thing.   I came to this decision after thinking about a lot of things, but foremost I guess is that I've worked hard and tried surgery, tried the depo shot, and I am not where I want to be; also, the longer I use the depo shot, the worse the effects on my body and I'm not inclined to keep taking it.  Those effects include weight gain, loss of bone density, higher chance of some cancers, etc.  So I talked with my doctor, and she and I both agreed that this would be a good thing.  (Lupron is still a shot.  I believe it is injected subcutaneously but I guess I will find out!)  I also decided to do it after hearing that there are now ways to manage if I end up having any really bad side effects.  They can check my hormones and do hormone replacement so I am not stuck feeling terrible (worst case scenario) for the duration of the drug which, if it goes alright, would likely be about a year.  I know saying switching medications doesn't sound like a big deal, Lupron is the one drug that has scared me from the start and the one I never wanted to have to try so it's a very big deal to me, as well as telling a lot about my journey and where I am right now.

I can't start it right away because there is a process in place for doctors to apply for their patients for use of Lupron, so my doctor's office is beginning that process.  It goes through insurance, proof of endometriosis is required, as well as proof that other methods have been tried (all of which apply to me).  Then I believe it has to be sent directly to my doctor's office.  So I am not starting it right away, but the process to acquire it has begun and my doctor yesterday changed a couple of my medications to things that will work better with that drug (for instance zoloft is not great to take with this so I'm switching over to something new) and I started transitioning today (not that I noticed anything so far).  Also, I was told that the first month can be difficult and it's important to have a strong support system and right now I kind of don't feel like I have that so that's my biggest concern, but I still think it's the right call.  (I don't know what I may need but maybe some phone calls or virtual/real hugs or something).  The first month also usually has the great side effect of having pain flare up before it settles down but at this point pain doesn't scare me. 

I feel a little better knowing that I'm starting the new year with a new option because I do not want to just keep going like I'm going.  It's a big decision but I think it's a good one.  I have been feeling somewhat depressed/overwhelmed with everything that has happened this year and having to be right in the front seat with my mother's cancer.  But I've made it through terrible pain and Mom's cancer and so this drug just doesn't look so scary to me anymore and the upside could be less internal swelling, having better pain management, weight loss, possibly smaller breast size (which would be awesome!!), no more pain when going to the bathroom, maybe more energy once it settles, and, of course, inhibiting the production of any new endometriosis.  Apparently I dealt with my endometriosis really well while dealing with a lot of stress this year but I feel like I just survived it. So I'm ready for something new.  The timing even seems perfect because I can go into 2015 looking at something that might help me, even if it takes some adjustment and some getting used to.  I have been lacking in the hope department lately and when I started thinking about bringing this up to my doctor (she had been saying she wouldn't recommend it for me on previous occasions because of many different factors), I just knew I would and that I want to go ahead and try.  I've been trying for what seems like a very long time so anything new at this point is something I'm willing to do.