Showers

Showers.  (I know, I fooled you into thinking I was talking about snow showers after the week we've had... but I'm not).  I'm talking clean, watery, soapy-goodness showers.  I have realized that there is a direct correlation between how I'm feeling and how often I'm showering.  The better I feel, the more I shower like my old/normal self.  The worse I feel, the less I shower and as the days go by, the more I feel like a sick, dirty version of myself.  Today is Wednesday.  I haven't showered since the weekend.




It's crazy how much endometriosis affects the little things.  I, for instance, used to shower daily, if not multiple times per day.  I never went to work or out without showering.  Now I feel lucky that my body feels good enough to let me stand and move around to shower.  I bring it up because I've been having a bad week.  I don't know how much of it is due to me being worried about my Mom's cancer or how much of it could indicate there's a problem (everybody cross your fingers for the cancer!!).  I see the doctor next week and I don't know what to tell her or how to proceed because if somehow this is stress, it will change how to go forward.  And you may be asking why I am hoping it's stress... well, because if it isn't, then this would be the first step totally backward I have had since surgery and the pain has gotten pretty bad.  Bad enough that if it's not stress, I would wager to guess that it means one of 3 things: 
1. I have to increase or change the hormones I'm taking, which do not feel good.  Right now I'm on a high dose of birth control but my doctor would like to wean me off of that and onto a different hormone because you're not really supposed to be on it for more than two consecutive years... it's been over three for me.  
2. I will have to switch back to a stronger pain killer (a different class that isn't a narcotic and works on pain differently.  I know narcotic sounds bad but for me, it's actually the lowest amount of pain killers I've used) which I do not want to do for a bunch of reasons.  It's hard to acclimate to them and it's hard to de-acclimate to them.  And they all make me feel "druggy" which I am not interested in any more.  
3. Worst case scenario: it could mean there's something wrong internally or more endometriosis has popped up and since with this wonderful disease there's no way to tell other than to cut you open (okay, with small incisions, but still), I would really prefer NOT to ever go down that road again.
So again, stress would be a really good answer for me but I don't know how to determine that other than to relieve the stress and see how I feel.

I had actually almost forgotten how much I dislike moderate-severe pain.  I consider that a good thing because it means my pain levels have gotten substantially lower, but these past couple weeks have caught me off-guard again.  I forgot how much it makes me not want to move at all, whether to shower or even just to get up to go to the bathroom.  Yes, I have pain killers I take, but I've gotten used to taking a much lower dosage with the lower level of pain and now I'm having to get used to taking more again.  Ideally, I would always like to take the least amount that is still effective, so I sometimes take one, see what happens and go from there, but with bad pain, that doesn't work well and I have to remind myself that it's better to just double up in the beginning.  

I guess my posts have an indirect relationship with my level of pain...  More pain = less posting.  So hang in there with me, and I will try to keep writing but sometimes on bad days, I don't want to lose my "zone" that I have when I'm not feeling good.  Hopefully I, as well as my mom, and all extended family will be feeling better soon!